


easy as breathing

by theevilcleavage



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10524957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theevilcleavage/pseuds/theevilcleavage
Summary: “You don’t deserve to be happy,” Emily says, eyes shining with tears. “You don’t know how to be.”Maggie thinks she’s probably right.





	

Maggie is fifteen when she finally tells her parents the truth. 

It takes a while to scrape up the courage, to convince herself that she’s doing the right thing. It would be so much easier to deny it, to convince her mother that Eliza’s parents made a mistake, that she isn’t in love with a girl, and she never will be. But keeping this secret has eaten away at her for half her life, and now she finally has a chance to relieve herself of that burden. A chance to show her parents who she really is. 

So Maggie stands in front of her mother and father in their tiny living room and rushes through her speech, the one she’s been preparing for years, and before long she’s trembling all over and she’s completely forgotten how to breathe.

“I’m gay,” she chokes out, and her mom and dad blink up at her from the couch, stricken. Then her father’s expression shifts, goes all hard and stony, and Maggie’s mother starts shaking her head. 

“No,” her father says, rising to his feet in one swift movement. “You’re not…that way. Not in this house.”

He grabs a suitcase from the hall closet and tells her to start packing. Within an hour, Maggie has shoved her whole life into that suitcase, and then her aunt is pulling up in the driveway, ready to take her away.

It’s the first of many heartbreaks, years and years of them.

After a while, Maggie stops counting. 

* * * * *

The first break-up is the hardest. 

Maggie’s just finished at the academy, a rookie cop who’s only been on the force a few weeks, and things are finally looking up. She’s so excited, so ready to start making a difference in Gotham, to start helping the helpless. 

She doesn’t even notice that her relationship is slipping through the cracks until it’s too late to fix it. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Mags.”

They’re standing in the middle of a dark nightclub, and Lisa is drunk off her ass, three margaritas in and counting, her mouth loose with liquid confidence. 

Maggie flinches. “What?” 

“You never have time for me!” Lisa slurs, barely audible over the music. “God, Maggie, sometimes I think you love your job more than you love me.”

“That’s not true, I-”

“We’re done. Okay?”

Those are the words her first real girlfriend spits at her at a club in downtown Gotham. But all Maggie hears is her father’s voice, his adamant “not in this house”, and her mother’s soft “get out”.

Maggie stumbles her way outside and keels over, her stomach churning. And she practices breathing. In and in, and out again.

* * * * *

Monica is girlfriend number two, and that whole mess ends just as well as her first relationship. 

“You’re selfish, and closed off, and I’m done trying to fix you!”

There are very few girlfriends after that, only enough to convince herself that she isn’t the type of girl who’s afraid to commit, afraid of sharing all of the small, fragile parts of herself with someone new. 

But Maggie is afraid, deep down where she’ll never admit it. She’s afraid of what might happen if she tries again. 

* * * * *

Emily is the exception.

Maggie transfers to the NCPD, done with Gotham and all of the memories that go with it, and meets a cute girl her first day on the job. They date for five years, the longest relationship Maggie’s ever had, and she really starts to believe that happiness is a possibility for her. 

But Emily can be critical of her, always pushes her to open up and complains, time and again, that she doesn’t spend enough time away from work. Eventually, Maggie gets drunk and sleeps with a cute alien girl, a girl who doesn’t make her feel guilty for doing her job or protecting her heart. 

It’s a stupid mistake, Maggie knows that. (Only, it isn’t really a mistake.)

Still, when Emily finally breaks up with her, it cuts her deeper than she’d expected.

“You don’t deserve to be happy,” she says, eyes shining with angry tears. “You don’t know how to be.”

Maggie thinks she’s probably right.

* * * * *

Alex Danvers shows up at her crime scene all confidence and authority, flashing around her FBI badge like she owns the place, and right away Maggie is drawn to her. She invites her out to a bar, explains the plight of all of the alien patrons there, and wonders briefly if Alex Danvers would ever consider dating a woman. 

Things move quickly after that, as Alex Danvers charms and flirts and fumbles her way into Maggie’s heart. It’s slow at first, gradual, so gradual that Maggie barely sees it coming, until one day she’s standing in the middle of a bar watching Alex walk away from her, her lips tingling, insisting it’s the right thing. 

“Wait,” she almost says. “Come back.” 

But instead she says, “Don’t go”, because more than anything, Maggie is afraid to lose. 

* * * * *

She gets past the fear eventually. 

It’s hard to say what gives her the final push. Maybe it’s seeing Alex so at peace with herself, so brave, telling all of the people in her life her biggest secret. Maybe it’s her close brush with death, the possibility of never telling Alex how she feels.

Or maybe it’s hope, plain and simple. The same thing that has her checking her phone every year on her birthday, just to see if they’ll call. 

* * * * *

Kissing Alex is easy as breathing. Sweet and warm, like coming home after a long trip.

Maggie never wants to stop.

* * * * *

Alex has very nice hands.

They’re warm and sure, and Maggie likes holding them, likes the way Alex’s fingertips brush faintly against her cheeks when they kiss. Alex can do a lot of damage with those hands – Maggie’s seen it first-hand – but she touches Maggie with almost reverent care, like something precious she’s afraid of breaking, which is really sort of funny (a sad sort of funny), because Maggie’s afraid of that, too.

“I really like you,” Alex confesses, running her fingers through Maggie’s hair. “Like, a lot.”

It isn’t the first time Alex has given voice to her feelings, but still, Maggie searches her face for signs of insincerity, for breaks in the truth.

When she doesn’t find any, she wraps her arms loosely around Alex’s neck and smiles. 

“I really like you, too.”

* * * * *

Two weeks into their relationship, Supergirl goes missing.

It throws everything out of sync, tears right through all of the small, precious moments between them, and by the end of the day Alex has cast her out. 

“I’m sorry,” Alex says, once the rescue mission is over and everyone at the DEO can breathe again. “I’m sorry I shut you out. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Maggie wants it to be enough. So they try again.

* * * * *

Alex has had her fair share of hardships. Maggie is starting to get that, now that she has Kara to fill in some of the blanks.

But you’d really never know it, that Alex has been through hell and back, because Alex is strong and confident and brave, and all of that baggage – her father’s disappearance, protecting Kara, living up to her mother’s expectations – all of it is hidden deep inside of her, and she deals with most of her suffering on her own. 

But when Jeremiah runs off with Cadmus and betrays all of the people he loves, Alex doesn’t try to handle it herself. For once, she calls Maggie. And Maggie rushes over, finds her sitting alone in her apartment, working her way through a bottle of scotch. 

Maggie assures her that she can tell her anything, anything at all, but Alex refuses to speak, and for a moment Maggie is afraid that she’s going to freeze her out. The possibility is unsettling, terrifying, but then Alex’s lower lip starts to quiver, and Maggie gathers her up in her arms, holding on tight as Alex clings to her and sobs against her chest.

She’s never seen Alex cry before, and it pains her more than she might’ve expected. But holding Alex, being there for her in her time of need, that part of it, at least, is a gift.

* * * * *

She doesn’t tell the truth about Emily, and Alex confronts her about it after work.

And it’s scary, because Maggie is sure that Alex is going to leave her, that she’s ruined their relationship just like she ruins everything. She keeps waiting for Alex to say the words, to decide that she can’t be with a cheater, can’t stay with someone who refuses to let her in.

But as always, Alex surprises her.

“You don’t have to be guarded with me,” Alex says, all soft and earnest. “I’m not here to judge you for things that happened in the past.”

Maggie nearly cries with relief, and she has to bite down to keep her chin from wobbling.

“You don’t think I’m a bad person?”

“No,” Alex says, tugging her into a warm hug. And for a moment Maggie feels safe, safer than she has in years, and she’s hit with a sudden urge to tell Alex everything, every awful thing she’s done, all of the pain she’s hidden away in her past. But Alex’s phone is buzzing, and Kara is hurt, and there isn’t any time for a heart to heart.

* * * * *

Alex goes missing for three days, and Maggie goes out of her mind trying to find her. She and Kara spend hours arguing about where to look, who to interrogate, what resources to use; Maggie isn’t sure which of them is more terrified. Every time she looks at Kara, she sees her own panic reflected back in her eyes, and so she stops making eye contact, avoids it whenever she can.

On the third night of their search, Kara returns from her sweep of the city and slinks down into a rolling chair. 

“Are you okay?” Maggie asks. This is Alex’s sister, after all, and Alex would want to know if she’s hurting, would want to make it all better if she could.

Kara shakes her head. “No.” She’s still wearing her Supergirl costume, but the outfit suddenly looks too big on her, like a child all dressed up in her mother’s clothing. Less like a superhero, and more like somebody’s kid sister.

“We’ll find her,” Maggie says, giving Kara’s hand a soft squeeze. “We have to.”

“Guys!” Winn comes rushing into the room, chest heaving. “We found her.”

Maggie and Kara are up out of their chairs in half a second, demanding that he give them the coordinates, and for the first time in days, Maggie can breathe again.

* * * * *

The culprits turn out to be a few common thugs, some aliens trying to get back at Supergirl by abducting her sister, and it doesn’t take Kara long to pummel all three of them into the ground. Once she’s finished with her heroics, she rushes over to Alex and breaks through the restraints around her sister’s wrists and legs. 

Kara embraces Alex right away, so tight that Alex nearly cringes, but then Alex is grinning and Maggie wants to hug her, wants to go to her, but for a moment she can only soak it in: Alex’s face, her tousled hair, the easy warmth of her smile. 

“Maggie?” Alex leaves her sister’s arms and takes a few steps forward. “Hey.”

“Alex…” Maggie starts moving toward her, and Alex meets her in the middle, embracing her with a soft sigh. When they pull back, Alex tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in to kiss her. Maggie steps up on her tiptoes and presses further into her, arms tight around Alex’s neck.

And then the tears start falling, hot and heavy, and Alex pulls back with a frown. She takes Maggie’s face in her hands, gentle as ever, and brushes away her tears with the pads of her thumbs.

“Hey,” she says, and her eyes are searching, searching, searching. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Maggie chokes out. “I just…we didn’t know if you were…” 

“Oh,” Alex says, and she exchanges a brief glance with Kara. “Maggie, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t be,” she says, and she tries to smile, tries to push down her feelings and be strong, be worthy of Alex’s affections, but it’s hard.

Alex seems to understand, though. She has that kind of sixth sense about things, or maybe she just knows Maggie a little too well by now, because she wraps her up in the warmest, tightest hug, and repeats over and over that she’s fine, she’s alive, she’s breathing, until Maggie finally starts to believe it.

When they finally break apart to look at each other, Alex seems almost nervous.

“I love you,” she says. “You know that, right?” 

And Maggie wants to nod, wants to act like she isn’t shocked by the admission, but all she can do is let out a strangled “Alex” and bury her face in her girlfriend’s neck. She isn’t ready to say it back, to hand over her heart for gutting. She isn’t ready yet.

But Alex doesn’t rush her. Alex just waits. 

And Maggie breathes in and in, and out again.

**Author's Note:**

> My first crack at Sanvers. Let me know what you think! :)


End file.
